Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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