if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
