He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
