I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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