After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Your penis caused this!
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