this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
