i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
