worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
