You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
