Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i will never coherently bang her
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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