she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
