"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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