He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
