mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
