Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
