don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
