i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize