Already got asked if we're dating
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
