Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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