if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
