I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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