i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize