I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
