I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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