he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you would pick up someone in the library
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
