she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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