Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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