Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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