Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think my fart just growled at me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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