dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
