I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
