We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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