her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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