So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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