I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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