Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
