You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
