It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize