i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
