I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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