my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
