he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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