Ketchup is God's man juice
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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