I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
