I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this boner is exhausting
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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