There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
