My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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