this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
