apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
