i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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