Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
