Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
