i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
