Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
