u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
