i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
