My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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