Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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