I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
