she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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