I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
