My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
