This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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