your parents love me but you hate me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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