you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
