if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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