He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
