Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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