also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
