Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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