i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
