So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
