tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
