Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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