i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
