Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize