Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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