Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
