I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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