Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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