I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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