I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
