i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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