T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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