i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
