I wish life had little blips of pornography
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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