dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
