I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
