I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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