dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
