dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
