absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
