how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
