im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
