ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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