Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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