I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
