You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
