At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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