my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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