wrigley field is MILF paradise
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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