Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
