mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
