I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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